Fic for 30_lies claim
Title: How to Break in a New Teacher
Fandom: Psych
Subject: General Series
Theme(s): Liar Paradox #1
Disclaimer: I don't own Psych.
Rating: PG
Table found here.



How to Break in a New Teacher


Miss Marcie Jameson sat back down at her desk and watched the clock not move as she waited for 8:45 am to arrive. She looked around her new fifth grade classroom and made a last check that all the desks were in line. Perfect. Her first day as a teacher was going to be perfect. She glanced down at the note left for her by one of the fourth grade teachers. Mostly it contained small bits of advice and insight about some of the students Marcie would be teaching this year, but at the end there was also a warning. Marcie was all but certain that the two children the warning was about couldn't possibly be as troublesome as the letter suggested. Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster both had wonderful grades, however they also they both had terrible behavior marks. They were the class clowns and it seemed that little Shawn was the instigator and little Burton would follow along with just about anything he came up with. There was, however, one useful piece of information included in the warning: "You can count on Burton to always tell the truth and unfortunately, you can also count on Shawn to always lie." Marcie glanced up at the clock. 8:45 had arrived at last. She tucked the letter away inside her desk and went over to the classroom door to let the children in.

The children strolled in and took their seats. Marcie introduced herself and started by taking roll. One third of the way down the list, she called out, "Burton Guster," and two hands went up.

"Here," said one boy just as the boy sitting at the next desk said, "Present."

The boy on the left looked at the other suspiciously and repeated himself, "Present." The other boy also repeated himself, "Here!" and gave a similar look to the first one. There was a small titter among the rest of the class as they enjoyed the joke.

"Okay," Marcie replied tolerantly, "very amusing boys. Now, which one of you is Burton Guster?"

"I am!" both boys responded in unison. More robust laughter sounded from around the room.

"Shawn!" the boy on the left scolded, hitting the boy on the right on the shoulder, "Stop it."

"You stop it, Shawn!" the other boy replied and hit him back.

"Boys, please keep your hands to yourself," Marcie requested calmly, but the two boys continued bickering and poking at each other. Trying another tack, she turned to the rest of the class. "Someone please tell me which of these boys is Burton Guster."

A girl in the front row raised her hand.

"Yes, Melissa," Marcie called on her, pleased with herself that she remembered the child's name.

"That one's Gus." She pointed to the boy on the left.

"Miss Jameson, she's lying," George in the third row called out, "he's Shawn. That one is Gus." He pointed to the other boy. "She's helping with Shawn's joke because she wants him to kiss her," he sneered.

"I do not! Shawn's got cooties!" The class roared with laughter.

"Children! Please settle down and stop talking out of turn," Marcie said, hoping to regain control of the situation. "Obviously both Mr. Guster and Mr. Spencer are present. I'll check them both off and we'll move on." She looked down at the roll for the next child's name and called out, "Janine Howard."

Two girls' hands went up.

"Here!" the girls replied together, but one began giggling uncontrollably after about five seconds which told Marcie which was the real Janine. The class' reaction however was more of a problem and they really didn't get anything but the attendance done before lunch.

After lunch, they did the classic essay assignment, What I Did on My Summer Vacation and there were two papers turned in with the name Burton Guster at the top. Marcie called the Burton Gusters up to her desk to explain that she really did need to have a paper signed by Shawn so that his grades could be accounted for, but that only ended in the boy tussling on the floor, both of them still claiming to be Guster. She sent them to the nurse and tried to figure out how to ask another member of the faculty which of the boys was which, but that would mean admitting that she couldn't handle the two boys, let alone the entire class, and that would be far too embarrassing. At least the boys had both turned in A papers, so she could mark down the grades without worrying that she was slighting the wrong one.

Things went on like that for a while and Marcie was at her wits end until she remembered Back to School Night. One look at their parents and she would easily know which boy was Shawn and which was Gus (as they both started insisting on being called). Right?

For some reason, the only one of their parents to show for Back to School Night was Henry Spencer, who knew both boys very well and talked about both boys with the same spark of pride. Marcie was sure that she had the answer until she realized that it was just possible that Mrs. Spencer might be black and that threw a monkey wrench into her deductive reasoning, because there was just no good way to ask a man what race his wife was in order to determine which of two boys she'd been teaching for three weeks was his son. It just can't be done. Parent-teacher conferences didn't bring answers either, since the Gusters, who both work full time, did theirs by phone. It's pretty sad to be outsmarted by two eleven-year-olds.

The boys continued to get grades so similar, that she really didn't need to know which one of them was which. The close grades of course made her suspicious that perhaps they were cheating, but as she watched them, it became clear that one boy studied very hard and the other seemed to have a photographic memory. Around Christmas, she gave up and just called them both Gus.

On the last day of the school year, both Gusters came up to Marcie's desk with a gift obviously wrapped by one of them.

"This is for you Miss Jameson, for being such a great teacher," one Gus told her.

"And such a good sport," the other Gus added.

"Why, thank you Gus," Marcie said, long past thinking about how referring to each of them and sometimes both of them by the name Gus reminded her of the crush she'd once had on Tony Orlando and how much she wanted to be one of Dawn. When she opened it, she found a framed picture of the boys and herself at the cinnamon factory where they'd taken the class field trip and there were small arrows labeling each of the boys by their real names. Marcie almost cried. "Thank you boys," she repeated.

"It was the least we could do," Shawn told her, "after what trouble we've been."

"Yes, well, I'll pray for your sixth grade teacher, Shawn," Marcie replied, finally getting to use the name.

"Uh- I'm not Shawn, he is," the boy labeled Shawn in the picture said.

"Oh my God!" the other boy exclaimed, "You are such a liar, Shawn." He took the picture from Marcie's hand and looked at it. "I can't believe you switched the labels!"

Thank the Lord, the final bell of the year rang out and Gus walked out still arguing about which one of them was which and Marcie pulled out the want ads to look for a new career.